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  • Writer's pictureTimothy S. Colman

Coaching Notes for transformational change in your life

When I'm coaching people they ask for help working with the conditioned mind-- this side of ourselves that generates the "self" and the illusion that we are separate from each other, that there is actually space and time. This "self" helps us navigate our hyper social lives together.

My sister Sally Colman introduced me to Internal Family Systems a few years ago. It has been a great help to tens of thousands of people-- both therapists and their clients. We create parts of our multipersonality selves to negotiate difficulties in life. And life is difficult for everyone. So I hope you find there is something here for you.

Highlights for me are Dick Schwartz's

Calling out the fact that there are no bad parts.

Asking the true self, or the part of you that is unchanged since you were little to check in and lead conversations with parts of yourself that are in pain or creating conflict inside yourself and in relationship with others.

Framing healing as a process and not a product. This gives people a chance to safely explore life outside the subject/object metaphorical life that makes so many people unhappy and cuts us off from the living breathing world.

Therapy is meditation in IFS-- in that there is a need for you to discover what you need and lead the path to healing. I found the IFS framework simple to understand after a few hours of videos and bought a couple books.

I think if we shift our perception of our self to the IFS model, we can shift to seeing we don't need fixing. We need to learn new skills and build muscle for compassion, boundaries, and letting go.

As with all life's work, test it out for yourself.

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